haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
