Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
