Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
