I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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