I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
