You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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