dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Shame - the story of my life.
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