you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
