Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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