What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
