Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
