I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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