The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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