She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
