You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
