When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
