apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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