I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
