My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
barbara walters just said penis...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
