Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
