the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
