please come you make the beer taste better
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
