I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
