Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
