there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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