I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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