I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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