He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
