every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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