Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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