Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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