i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wear drunk well.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
