he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
