3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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