My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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