You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
