Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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