Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
where does the pee come out of this thing
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
