i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
