there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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