His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
