when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
