I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
