I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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