Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
