You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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