I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
