Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm like, not good at living.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
