just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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