a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
4 words: hood of his car
Welp...herpes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
