Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
40s are totally the cure
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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