he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
