I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
