Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
