the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
