I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
