Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
