Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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