Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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