Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
